For some people, summer means lounging by the pool, scarfing down ice cream, and catching sunsets at the beach. For others, it means blasting the AC and bingeing reality shows like Survivor, Love Island, and Big Brother.
And while absolutely no one asked us to do this, we decided to imagine some of today’s most popular reality shows as ICD-10-CM codes. Because honestly, some of these plot lines practically code themselves. Read on for our verdict.
1. Survivor
Dehydration – E86.0
No one is as parched as a contestant crawling through sand, balancing on an unstable platform, or completing a complex obstacle course in the heat. Winning Survivor requires strategy, endurance, and plenty of electrolytes (ideally).
2. Love is blind
Unqualified visual loss, both eyes – H54.3
This one seems pretty obvious, but we’d argue there are two types of blindness on this show. One, falling in love and proposing to someone “sight unseen,” as the hosts put it. And two, blindness to red flags. There, we said it.
3. Big Brother
Social role conflict, not elsewhere classified – Z73.5
Imagine being stuck in a home for nearly two months, completely cut off from the outside world, with more than a dozen strangers vying for the same prize. Oh, and did we mention there are cameras throughout the house recording 24/7? Yikes.
4. The Traitors
Antisocial personality disorder – F60.2
If you have a knack for lying to and manipulating people, you should consider applying for The Traitors. Hosted by Alan Cumming, the show places contestants in a secluded Scottish castle to play a high-stakes social deduction game where deceit is encouraged and the prize can reach $250,000. Yes, please.
5. Top Chef
Burn of unspecified body region, unspecified degree – T30.0
With several rising chefs competing for a prestigious title and a sizeable cash prize, someone is bound to get burned – literally and figuratively. Luckily, the show has seen enough kitchen injuries to react swiftly and appropriately.
6. Love Island
Problems in relationship with spouse or partner – Z63.0
If you don’t know what to do with yourself now that season 8 has ended… same. Taking place in a stunning villa on the beautiful island of Fiji, this show has it all: love, lust, friendship, betrayal, jealousy – and many, many splits. IYKYK.
7. Below Deck
Claustrophobia – F40.240
Working aboard a luxury superyacht certainly has its perks. But it also requires dealing with high-maintenance clients, cramped quarters, and frustrating coworkers. Definitely not for the faint of heart.
